I haven't written in a very long time, thought it was about time to start again because I have realized that my journey is not over…
Like me, love me, criticize
me, judge me, or ignore me it makes no difference to me; I am who I am because
of my past and the people I had in my life.
I learned from an early age that I needed to be brave or show courage
even in the worst of situations. I
learned to be tough even when things seemed bleak. I don’t trust easily, I don’t let many in to
my circle, I’ve done that and I usually end up on the short end.
However, I will be a friend
for life! If I ask if there’s anything I can do, I mean it; I’ll be there if
and when you need me.
I’ve tried not to let those
from my past mold and define who I am; I’ve tried to be something so much
better than what they perceived me to be; more so, than what they thought I
was; sometimes I fail but most of the time I do think I succeed. I used to blame them for the way they treated
all of us that they cared more for the booze than us kids. I don’t consider alcoholism a disease, I
think it’s a crutch; an escape from reality…a choice that becomes a habit, which
turns to dependency that affects everyone within the home! I still have many obstacles to overcome, you
see, when I look in the mirror, I see all the bad things I was once told and or
called; I must learn to think differently.
For that reason, I had to separate myself from them in order for me to
heal and although it’s what was best for me in the end I will never have what
most of you have or had, the loving support and unconditional love of a parent(s)!
Don’t feel sorry for me, for
without those events in my life, I wouldn’t be the mother I am today and in the
end that is really all that matters…my kids!! :)
I thought my journey ended
when I stopped my hike across Spain when in fact, it had only started and
continues to this day. Not absolutely
sure were I’ll end up but I do hope that I finally have that peace and
happiness I’ve so longed for…
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