Monday, September 3, 2012
Where to begin..
Trying to find a quiet place to think is nearly impossible...Since the last time I wrote a many things have happened. During our stay in Logroño, we met a couple who had done the walk about 10 yrs ago, we chatted for a bit, took pictures and they left...we finished our drinks, asked for our tab but learned that it had already been taken care of by the very couple we were talking too...made our night!!!
Since that days the three of us parted ways, each to walk and find our own way. For three days I have been walking alone and in the evenings we seem to meet up again, that makes the evennigs nice.
I have been some what dissapointed with some of the local have been quite rude, they do not seem to care about their jobs or the pilgrims. Finding that the pilgrims are very much kinder to one another than the locals.
The food has also been a let down, which is something I looked forward to it but once again I have been disapointed.
I have met some really interesting people these last few days, each with their own story and I'm sure we only tell each other a small portion of our stories.
My knee felt good today but I must admit, I wanted to give up on Saturday, the pain was terrible.
Well, now for some of my own thoughts these last few days and this is going to be tough for me...today I cried most of the way, not because I was in pain but because I want to stop walking! In my first entry I wrote that I had personal reasons for walking the Camino...my reasons for taking this journey was not to walk, it was to run & hide from the life I knew...you see when things got tough I ran and hid, that's all I knew, growing up, the minute I heard a beer bottle or a liquor bottle open, I knew it was time to run and hide! Today I cried because I am tired of running and hiding when things get tough, I need to face up to all of lifes struggles, no matter how tough!! I will be honest, I was coming to Spain to hide, I was running away from all my problems and I wasn't going to return! I am tired of running and I want to go home to my loving husband, who knew what I was doing but still let me go not knowing what I would ultimatly do...I do know what I want and that's to be home, in his loving arms and to be there for my kids, to help plan my daughters wedding! That's where I belong, not here....
If you think I am a quitter, that's fine...I am tired of running...
Sorry for the rambling but I know where I belong now and who really loves me...
I love you David Harrell, with all my heart!!
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No matter who thinks you're a quitter, you're not in my book. You're a strong independent women who needed to find Her Way. I love you and will always love you no matter what. I'm proud of you mom. Like you always say, "i love you...more than you'll ever know.."
ReplyDeleteA quitter wouldn't have gotten on the plane in the first place. I'm hoping you are getting all the stuff out you want to leave behind along with your rocks and whatever else you can't afford to carry anymore.
ReplyDeleteYou've never quit, even when you had the option to do it, you soldiered on, same as you're soldiering on now.
Hang in there sweetie, you ARE doing this and we are all behind you 100%.
Be strong! Quit if that is what your heart tells you! You've known all along that you are a fighter and a survivor. El camino was just a way to see for yourself the kind of woman you are. The woman we see and you couldn't because your judgement was clouded by too many distractions, voices, memories... throw in the towel if you want. I won't consider you a quitter. You've been a winner and a blessing for those who really care about you . Many blessings and a huge hug from me.
ReplyDeleteQuitting is giving up altogether and never doing anything. That is not you my friend! You made plans, you got on a plane and went to Spain by yourself, you starting walking and dumping old baggage. You accomplished what you set out to do. That is NOT quitting! Everyone is proud of you! If you come home early that just means you are done with this part of your self discovery and ready to start the next chapter. Stay true to yourself and know that we all love you and support you. <3 :)
ReplyDeleteGreat words, Randie! You are such a great friend to Diana! She has you to come home to, as well- you are such a special best friend! She's so blessed in so many ways!
DeleteSis, you are not a quitter! You are so tough and can do anything you set your mind to! You found your reason and it's not to be there, but with David and your family. I am and always have been here for you and I support whatever you do! It is going to be so special when you see David at the airport and being with each other all the way home and from now on- he loves you so much for knowing your reasons and letting you go find what you were searching for. I know your kiddos are so proud of you, too, as am I. Hugs, Sis! I love you!
ReplyDeleteDear, dear friend ...
ReplyDeleteI cried too. A lot. And with deep, heart-wrenching sobs that gave voice to the pain of my loss. I oh so wanted to change the past !
And I wanted to quit. Why go on with a sore knee (I had a bad one too !) when the arms of my loved one were so far away ? I wanted to go home !
I decided to stick it out one more day. That led to another day, then another, and soon I was getting something back. I was healing.
Only you can decide when enough is enough, Diana. But if your knee can be a metaphor for your heart, then perhaps as long as it physically holds up, so too will your feelings. The toughest hurdle is the emotional one ... and I can tell you from personal experience that if you can keep on going ... just one more day ... your momentum will carry you to the end.
Know that your strength lies in Him, that His love never fails, and He will carry you to the end.
Big-teary-eyed-hug !
~ Alan